Captains log, entry #4...I preferred pig's dick, said Master Bates...

Day 3 started with a FANTASTIC view of the marina in Menton with Monaco just down down the coast. We rolled down to breakfast at 9 (late compared to many keen, more sober Scallyers) looking forward to our daily dose of Etap coffee, our Scally fuel.

Sonic had the first leg as we found out about our task for the day. Take a photo of the most expensive car we can find with bonus points for getting our car and team in as well. Monte Carlo's rich and famous were the perfect subject matter. Digital SLR in hand we set off!Petemate's endless hours on Gran Tourismo 4 (PS2) were at last proved to be well spent as we cruised the streets of the rich and famous looking for the circuit. A couple of wrong turns halfway tho (Petemate!!) meant we started the course a few times prior to it finally clicking! Busy streets and no armco were the excuses used by Petemate (whatever!) We finally got where we went wrong and crossed the start/finish line with the camera rolling to record Sonic's "best lap". Turning right (up the hill) we spotted our task subjects. Three new Ferraris pulled up on the side of the road in a line! "Quick stop! Pull up in front of them!" With no traffic coming down the hill Sonic deftly guided the 22 year old Audi to a rest, nose to nose with a red 360... A meeting of beautiful cars...The drivers were sorting a GPS problem as we set the camera up the hill so it could see all 3 prancing horses and the 4 ringed beaut. With the timer set Teamrado ran down the hill to get in view too! The shutter went as they pulled off in convoy sounding what could only be described as three ferraris pulling off down a hill in Monte Carlo with echos rebounding from surrounding buildings!!! Nice.

We jumped back in the car to continue the lap, patting ourselves on the back... Up the hill we went with Petemate saying "keep right and thru the square". The laughing stopped as a local police officer caught our attention and directed us to a stop just in front of him. Silence hit the car as he motioned to Sonic to turn the key and stop the engine. "You did something wrong" was his opening line. A stern, grey moustachioed face looked at us with an officious tone."erm, er, what?" came Sonic's stuttered reply. "You went over the white line". The solid white line in the middle of road is forcefully enforced, and should not be crossed in Monaco."Oh!" Sonic was feeling the heat of the officers eyes boaring into his. "You did it twice"."Did we?" Hindsight is a wonderful thing. Is it wrong to disagree with a police officer in Monaco? "That's TWO fines". He's almost shouting now." Erm, oh, uh!". Sonic starts to glance around the car for support, moral or physical. "We crossed over and came back" was Petemate's useful addition to the situation. "Do you admit it?" The officer's tone was as booming as it was accusing. "well..." Sonic is looking round the car again."Admit it!" he replied. This time louder and more pointed."Yes!" Sonic was beaten into submission. Winkle was reaching for his pocket as the officers face cracked and said "I'll take it next time I see you! Are you english, my wife is English".Realisation hit us and suddenly he was our best friend! Much chatting about the village near Oxford where she was born and our roots in Southampton later and we were waved on our way... There were four very releived men in that stripey Audi at that moment as we pulled away, careful to observe every law we could think of!!



So, thru the square we went. Past Casino Royale and the cafe de Paris we swept. Pointing at the Bentley's and the orange women. A quick right and down the hill we go... "It's all coming back to me", repeats Petemate. Round to the right we hit the famous hairpin. Much cooing fills the air as we come out of it and catch some curb on the way to the tunnel. The echoing in the of the air horns was something to behold! Out of the tunnel we come and the F1 chicane is missing... "Aaaw!" was the cry. We turn left into the pool complex (that is staging the Monte Carlo boat show, not a patch on Southampton) and round the swimming pool. We navigate the last turn onto the start finish and boot it. Until we hit a traffic jam and crawl over the grid positions to the start/finish line again ;)) Stop the clock!!!



In need of refreshment we park up near the square, avoiding the white lines, to go to Cafe de Paris for an esspresso.The coffee arrives and Sonic nudges us to say, "Ken Bates is over there". the former Chelsea Chairman is sitting across from us quoffing coffee and reading his copy of an english paper. Petemate bets Sonic a pound to go over and ask him how Spurs got on yesterday. He wanders up to the now-Leeds chairman and pretends not to know him, but, forgets he's deaf and has to repeat the request. The Richard Attenborough look-a-like informs Sonic of the nears newsagent and tells him to purchase a copy of his own... He did'nt get where he was today...



We leave the cafe past Casino Royale and pass a superb old Alfa, piloted by a British couple. Brooksey offers to take a photo for them and email it to them. It turns out that he works for the same company that a good friend of Teamrado, Daz T Waz, works for. Coincedence number 5, is it now? We eventually leave the rich city, vowing to return and buy that little apartment, to start a long boring days motorway driving to Barcelona (what a beautiful horizon?).



We cruise the motorway stopping at many tolls, and spot a Corrado! Our first of the trip!The Audi hits it's highest speeds of the trip to catch the VR6 motor. And we did. We pull along side, did-a-ling the horn, and pointing out our 'rado silhouette logo to a very confused French man. He eventually understood and powered past smiling. We circled each other for a couple of miles with him and his wife read the car and us "did-a-ling" back.

A long motorway trip was broken breifly by an encounter with a coach full of Spanish school girls waving to us. We replied with some horn. The next service stop beckoned after some sterling, if just above the limit, driving from Winkle. We slowed for the service stop, but somehow missed it. We were initially dissappointed, until we saw 6 Spanish police motorcycles and a speed camera. they pointed at us, and appeared to be mounting there rides, they sped toward us, blues and twos going. Winkle readied to stop until they rode straight past us toward a BMW and a van that past us. If it weren't for slowing for and missing that turning...A beautiful sunset over the mountains greeted us into Barcelona.

As well as a traffic jam. We decided to test the GPS, who by now had morphed into an Australian bloke, and leave the motorway in search of clearer roads.these led us to the hotel 15 miles outside Barca centre.We proudly showed our 3-up ferarri pic to be told that is was cheap! £110 grand at most. Nowhere near the cost of the Maybach that was seen or the rare Mercedes SLR that some teams saw! We were happy with our pic as it reminded us of Sonic's telling off. 30 mins later and we'd showered, unpacked (a bit) and called the appropriate halves. We were on our way to the train station with the Sporadic Nomads (Sam & Dan) to see what Barcelona had to offer us. Petemate was feeling slighlty more off colour than the rest of the group as they emerged from the station to see some fabulous Gaudi buildings.

A good meal and a little wine was all we needed to pep us up! To The AMAZEMENT of everyone Winkle remembered a cool place from a trip some years ago. AND he found it! When at the table Sonic said, "I feel a little dizzy". As soon as he said this Sam admitted the same. Petemate replied with "I have been for about an hour". Once again blaming his "inner-ear condition". Immediately after a little food and a drop of wine, we all felt much better. Still sleep deprived and a little hysterical, tho. Our starters arive and lasted approx. a minute. Winkle's LOOKED like baby puke, but tasted superb. Yum! Roll on course number 2.We all cooed and salivated over our mains, apart from Dan who'd been ambitious and ordered the "Boned Pig's Feet with Chorizo".Three mouthfuls in and he started wretching! There was a lack of sympathy as we assumed a melodramatic overreaction to some new "foreign" food. Until Sam said, "I like all food... apart from this! "Winkle, keen to try new foods, offered his plate despite an offer that stated, "Try some of this, it's disgusting". Never an offer easily accepted.Sam moved a fork-full onto Winkle's plate. What slipped off the fork was a sheet of hairy, tepid skin in sauce. Winkle caught a nose full of it's aroma and vowed never to let it pass his lips! It lasted 2 mins on his plate before he insisted it found it's way back into Sam's bowl at arms length. He even wiped his plate free from the sauce with his napkin."I've never had pig's feet before, but is it supposed to smell like rancid, maggot ridden flesh? "The waiter showed no sign of being surprised that another Pig's-Feet-Diner wanted a different dish three mouthfuls in, so we assumed that the aquired taste was a real one. There were various comments like:"It was just rancid skin" followed with "'cos feet are reknown for there meat content, they're not just skin and tendon, are they?"AND"It tastes rancid and rotten" followed with "What do pigs normally stand in all day?" A burger and chips swiftly replaced the now infamous bowl, and the conversation returned to the days motoring...Until, that is, when Sonic asked "what are these on my plate?" He pointed at chipolata-sized battered object that he said "tasted funny"."Looks like Pig dick" was the swift reply from Petemate. Brookesy nearly spat Veal accross the table and started to laugh like a choir-boy.Everyone else descended into wine and Scally Rally induced hysterical laughter...

More pig feet chat led us around the beautiful centre of Barcelona. A Stunning city full of Gaudi architecture and Spanish women!! We liked Barca! We wandered down La Ramblas, a bohemian area full of market stalls, bars and tourists! Oddly, every few yards there was guys selling warm beers on the street. Yards away from the bars, and presumably out-of-date, we couldn't see the point. Also, who is this "Charlie" guy the men in hooded jumpers wanted?? With Brookesy wanting to go clubbing, the rest of the group collapsed in another bar. At 2am, after 12 hrs on the road, we decided a taxi was a better option than the bus. Brookesy had to show the taxi driver in the first cab how to get to the hotel, without him speaking spanish or the driver knowing ANY english! The Sporadics had by this point were doing their Sleeping beauty impressions. Not visually we'd like to add. Petemate had a conversation with the lady driver of the second cab that consisted of pigeon english, a smattering of French (she was just learning) and some Spanish. Shouts of "what's Friday, again?" to Winkle and Sonic in the back amongst others led winkle to "babelfish" them on his phone. We finished off by saying "Arrivi-derci"!! Bloody english abroad! Our evening in Barcelona was concluded by fellow Scally-ers leaning out of their hotel windows shouting "They're are people trying to sleep in here! "Some where taking the event more seriously that Teamrado, it seemed...

For more pics of the day, visit....
Menton
Monte Carlo
Monte Carlo to Barca
Barca by night